


Not Everyone Wants To Go To Rivain

by ToPerceiveIsToBePerceptive



Series: The Promised Prompts [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adoribull - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Humor, M/M, Non-Trespassers Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 16:20:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6057939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToPerceiveIsToBePerceptive/pseuds/ToPerceiveIsToBePerceptive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dorian has plans. Bull hates those plans. Cadash plans to foil Dorian's plans. Dorian hates those plans to foil his plans.<br/>Simple really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Everyone Wants To Go To Rivain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iambic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iambic/gifts), [floof](https://archiveofourown.org/users/floof/gifts).



> This was the delightful Iambic's prompt: [...] something I miss from before Trespasser is that people used to write a lot of speculative postgame fic. I'd love to see a oneshot of how things could have gone, discounting the events of Trespasser DLC
> 
> And this was the fantastic Lookawaynothingtoseehere's prompt: [...]can i just second the thing Iamblic said, I also miss post Inquisition stuff that isn't trespasser canon. Yooou can just add my name to that, or do two [...]
> 
> Hope you guys like it and a whale of a thank you to the sweet and lovely embyrr922 who beta'd this thing. You are amazing and every suggestion you made to fix this thing was spot-on. Any mistakes left over are mine and not hers.

When Cadash found Bull in the Herald’s Rest, Bull had already been drinking for hours.

‘So…’ said Cadash. ‘I hear Dorian’s going back to Tevinter?’

Bull shrugged, but Cadash knew the answer. He took a seat next to Bull at the bar so they were shoulder to shoulder. (Well, elbow to cheek.)

‘I’ll have what he’s having.’ Cadash said to Cabot. Bull shook his head.

‘It’ll give you liver failure, boss.’

‘If I die from liver failure after facing an archdemon, I’ll call my life a success.’ 

Cabot put the flagon in front of Cadash, who took a long gulp. Bull didn’t even smirk when Cadash spluttered.

‘Have you told Dorian there are easier ways to kill himself?’ Cadash asked as he wiped some of the foam from his beard. ‘And more pleasant. I hear flaying is not as bad as it sounds.’

‘He’s made his choice.’ Bull’s voice was flat. ‘I can’t stop him.’

‘No matter how much you want to try?’ Cadash asked.

Bull did want to try. Bull wanted Dorian to stay and be safe, not charge head-first into that toxic wasteland that wanted to destroy him. But he also wanted Dorian to be Dorian. His passion, his stubbornness, his hope, his righteous anger, they were all things that made Dorian his Kadan. Bull didn’t want to stand in his way. It would be selfish.

But he also didn’t want Dorian to have an “unfortunate accident” after ruffling too many feathers in the Magesterium.

‘You ever think about going with him?’ Cadash asked, taking another swig.

‘It’s not really an option.’ Bull said. ‘I kind of stand out in a crowd.’

Cadash looked up at Bull’s horns and nodded.

‘Alright, then you should let him know he has a reason to stay.’

‘What reason?’

‘ _ You _ , you massive idiot. You two were made for each other. It’s almost enough to have me believing in that Maker guy, Cassandra’s always on about.’

Bull raised an eyebrow at Cadash. ‘When did you get all soppy?’

‘Same time you got all mopey. Go talk to him. Or…’ Cadash trailed off, then squared his shoulders, ‘I could step in.’

‘You?’

‘If you want.’

Bull laughed. ‘No offence, boss, but I don’t need you to sort out my love-life for me.’

Cadash spread his hands. ‘You say that, but look where you are.’

 

Bull didn’t think any more about the conversation until a few days later, when Dorian stormed into their room and slammed the door shut behind him.

‘If this is your meddling, Bull, I swear I will cause you insurmountable suffering.’

Bull looked up from sharpening his axe.

‘What? What did I do?’

‘Don’t play ignorant, Bull.’ Dorian spat, striding towards him. ‘I knew you had reservations about me returning to Tevinter. But I didn’t think you would stoop so low as to conspire with Cadash against me.’

‘Whoa, whoa, hey! Slow down, Kadan. I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

‘Is that so?’ Dorian said whipping out a sheet of paper from his pocket. ‘Then how about you explain this to me.’

Dorian held out the paper to Bull, glaring down at his lover with a furious gaze. Bull put his axe down on the bed, and took the piece of paper. He unfolded it like it might burn him. It was the boss’ writing. Bull began to read:

 

_ Dear Dorian, _

_ I know you’ve already set plans into motion to return ~~to~~ _ ~~_ that wretched hive of scum and villainy _ ~~ _ your beautiful homeland and carry out your ~~stupid death-wish~~ grand dream of political reformation. While normally I would  _ ~~_ lock you in your room until you came to your senses _ ~~ _ wish you the best of luck and safe travel, I’m  _ ~~_ deliriously happy _ ~~ _ sorry to inform you that your journey home will have to be delayed. It has come to the Inquisition’s attention that we need to urgently strengthen our ties to Rivain.  _ _ I ~~have convinced Josephine~~ _ _ Josephine has convinced me that we should send an envoy to Dairsmuid as soon as possible. Because  _ ~~_ you’re determined to get yourself killed _ ~~ _ of your acute political mind and boundless charisma, I have bestowed upon you the honour of Inquisitorial Ambassador to Rivain. _

_ The position is a prestigious one but also one that poses a significant risk to your person  _ _~~from sun-burn and alcohol poisoning~~. _ _ I cannot in good conscience send you on such a dangerous mission alone. Thus I am sending the Iron Bull and the Chargers as your own personal convoy and bodyguard. This ambassadorial mission is delicate, and it may be months, perhaps years, before we can secure a lasting and stable alliance with our Rivaini counterparts. But we have no alternative. Josephine has managed to find you a suitable estate that should keep you and your entourage comfortable for the entirety of your stay. However long it may be. _

_ I regret that I was not able to give you this news is person but  _ ~~_ I’m allergic to being burned alive by pissed-off ‘Vints  _ ~~ _ I have been called away to Orlais at short notice and will be uncontactable ~~until I’m sure your blood-lust has subsided~~ for the foreseeable future. _

_ Your loyalty and duty to the Inquisition has been invaluable. I have every confidence that your work in Rivain will continue to bring honour to our cause: stability and peace across all of Thedas. _

_ With Warmest Regards, _

_ His Worship, Inqusitor Cadash. Herald of Andraste. _

 

Bull read the letter again. And again. And once more, just to make sure he wasn’t completely hallucinating. Dorian continued to stand in front of him, arms folded.

‘Alright,’ Dorian said. ‘I can tell by your expression that you weren’t in on this ridiculous charade.’

‘Cadash is sending us to  _ Rivain _ ?’ Bull said, handing the letter back to Dorian.

‘Yes! Can you believe his insolence?’ Dorian scrunched up the paper and flung it across the room. ‘The idea that I must be sent away to perform Inquisition busywork “for my own good”. It’s preposterous! As if I don’t know the dangers of Minrathous intimately by now. I learnt to dodge the attacks of my political enemies at the same time I learnt to read.’

‘That’s not comforting, Dorian.’ Bull said flatly. Dorian waved his hand.

‘All I mean is that I do not appreciate Casash mollycoddling me like a child. I am one of Cadash’s inner circle. I fought beside him at Redcliffe. I entered the fade with him at Adamant. I am entitled to a little respect and dignity.’

Bull held up his hand. ‘Wait, back up. How is an ambassadorial position not dignified?’

Dorian gave Bull a withering look.

‘It’s in Rivain, Bull.’

Bull paused for a moment, wondering how that was any sort of explanation.

‘What’s wrong with Rivain?’

‘People see the Inquisition, whether rightly or wrongly, as an arm of the Chantry. Even the current Divine was a member of our ranks. Any fool knows that Rivain only pays lip-service to the Chantry at the best of times. No one will accept any Inquisiton ambassador’s input with open arms.’

‘They won’t trust you?’ Bull asked.

Dorian scoffed. ‘If only. Distrust I can handle. It’s been my bread and butter for years, even here in Skyhold. No, Dairsmuid holds something far worse than distrust.’

‘What?’

‘Disregard. I will spend the next few years of my life smiling politely at dinner parties and being ignored at political meetings. In Minrathous I could have been doing some real good. Working against the remnants of the Venatori. Making efforts to abolish slavery. Working towards ending the war with the Qun. But no. Cadash has sentenced me to a life of comfortable irrelevance.’

Bull couldn't quite hold down a chuckle. Dorian scowled.

‘I fail to see what’s so funny, Bull.’ Dorian said. Bull took Dorian’s wrist and pulled down onto the bed beside him. He traced his thumb in gentle circles along the back of Dorian’s hand.

‘The idea that anyone could ignore you, Kadan. That’s what’s so funny.’

‘Bull, swear to me that you had no part in this.’ Dorian said, his tone quiet but stern.

‘He did say something at the tavern the other day-‘ Dorian’s glare intensified, but Bull pressed on, ‘-but I told him just to leave it alone.’

‘What did you say Bull? Did you tell him that you didn’t want me to go back to Tevinter?’

‘Everyone knows I don’t want you to go back to Tevinter.’ Inside his head, Bull cursed himself. He knew his tone was all wrong. Too bitter. To raw.

‘Sorry.’ Bull said. ‘Please don’t think that I’m not proud of you, Kadan. I am. But you can’t tell me not to be afraid of what those ‘Vint bastards could do to you.’

Dorian almost reached a smile. ‘You do remember I am one of those ‘Vint bastards right.’

‘Yeah but you’re my ‘Vint bastard.’

‘I’m going to tell Krem you said that. He’ll be so jealous.’

Dorian signed and glanced back at the crumpled letter. ‘I suppose it’s all a moot point, seeing as we are both exiled to Sunny Rivain against our wills. It’s unfair that the poor Chargers will have to endure months of tedium because of us.’

‘Yeah, poor guys. Paid to stay in a luxury estate as glorified guards with nothing to do but eat, drink and screw around with the hot Ravani locals.’

Dorian chuckled. ‘We all have our own trials.’

 

_ My dearest Cadash. _

_ Rivain’s landscape is beautiful, its climate lovely, and I have never been so bored in all my life. I hope you die in a painful and embarrassing way. _

_ Your friend, _

_ Dorian. _

 

_ Hey Boss, _

_ Dorian’s still sulking, (the sea voyage didn’t help) but I think he’ll come around. He can’t stay angry for too much longer, he found the estate’s wine cellar. _

_ Dairsmuid’s as pretty as Josie described it. The Chargers have been having a fantastic time exploring the city. Krem assures me they haven’t been causing trouble. You’ll have to decide for yourself whether you can trust him on that or not. _

_ We have our audience with the court tomorrow. That should be fun. Dorian wants us to make a good impression with the Queen. I’m not sure that we can guarantee “good”, but I promise we’ll make an impression. _

_ Cheers, _

_ The Iron Bull _

 

_ My dearest Cadash, _

_ I am reporting to inform you that you were indeed right. The situation in Rivian is dire. An evil plague seems to be sweeping across the land. It has stripped every man woman and child of the most basic concepts of style and taste. _

_ Yet court was more interesting than I anticipated. Her majesty Miraya Zeyase is a remarkable woman, particularly considering her age. She was polite, charming, all the things necessary for a good leader to be. _

_ And she trusts us as far as she can throw us. _

_ It’s not completely unfair. Rivain and Tevinter are always at odds. We have a deplorable habit of landing on their shores and stealing people for the slave trade. A factor you didn’t seem to consider when you selected me as ambassador. It appears as though I am the suspicious ‘Vint once again. Add to this the rumour that Queen Zeyase may have close mage companions. You can see why she would be suspicious of the Inquisition. Dairsmuid still bears the scars from when the Templars annulled their circle. The bitterness runs deep through the city, regardless of class, creed, and occupation. _

_ Our only saving graces may be the Inquisitions’ alliance with the rebel mages and the fact yours truly is a mage as well. _

_ Bull finds himself in a difficult position too. Here in Rivain they have a much more tolerant view of the Qunari than the rest of Thedas. On one hand he is not treated with the same level suspicion and xenophobia that he was in Ferelden and Orlais. But Kont-aar, the only peaceful Qunari settlement outside Par Vollen, is a few days ride north. The presence of a Tal-Vashoth in court could cause problems between Kont-aar and Dairsmuid. Particularly one as noted as Bull. _

_ I'll send you more updates on the situation soon. _

_ Try not to get assassinated in my absence. _

_ Your friend, _

_ Dorian. _

 

_ Hey Boss, _

_ Can you get Sera to check out whether there are any Jennys in Dairsmuid? I have a feeling something may be going on. I’ll tell you more about it once I know more. _

_ All the boys say hi. Skinner says you still owe her fifteen gold. _

_ The Iron Bull.  _

 

_ My dearest and most forgiving Cadash, _

_ I haven’t got time to go into details at this point. But I just wanted to send word so you heard it from me before anyone else. _

_ It wasn’t our fault. _

_ Your loyal and most charming friend, _

_ Dorian.  _

 

_ Hey Boss. _

_ Thank you for the intel. It came just in time. The person I was suspicious of wasn’t a Jenny. It was a Crow. On the plus side the Queen seems to have warmed up to us. Saving her kids from being poisoned seemed to do the trick. But the Crow topped herself before the Chargers and I could get anything out of her. _

_ Also we may have made some nobles here… unhappy. When a bunch or mercs start ripping food out of children’s hands and smashing dinner plates on the floor, some people get the wrong idea. Look, things were said, people got punched, it’s not a big deal. Tell Josie we’re sorry if this has caused her grief. Dorian is working this end and making amends. Doing a good job too. He’s getting into the swing of this whole Ambassador thing. Not gonna lie, it’s a turn on. _

_ The boys and I are going to try and figure out who hired the Crow and why they went for the kids rather than the Queen herself. That’s trying to send a message. Now we just have to figure out who, why, and where. Shouldn’t be too hard right? _

_ Rocky says thanks for that dwarvish thing you sent him that I can’t remember the name of. The rest of the Chargers are whinging about you playing favourites. _

_ Hope your life is less interesting than ours, _

_ The Iron Bull. _

 

_ My Dearest Cadash _

_ It seems like my time in Rivain will be more eventful that I originally anticipated. I am curious as to what the future holds. _

_ Your friend, _

_ Dorian. _


End file.
